It is black and white.
It happened as I sat down to hear the tale of my 11 year old daughter's day and how she was hurt and confused as to why her group of girlfriends were not speaking to one another yet again. As she did, I was shocked to see her questioning her identity and worth as a result of this "girl world drama."
And then again, as I sat and listened to a group of teenage girls share their hearts with me "I don't really have many girls that are my friends" they confessed "I just can't trust them."
Part of my response to both these girls and my daughter was the same- “Yes, I know it's confusing, it hurts and it is sad, but sweethearts this is "normal” girl world.
Over the next couple of weeks as I found myself replaying these conversations how I responded to them and I grew more and more discontent. All around me I saw that there were examples of living, healthy and authentic relationships between women to be found, but sadly it seemed that they were a rarity. It grieved me to discover as I shared with women of all ages, that many struggled to have deep, long term friendships with other women. Many shared stories of hurt, judgement, betrayal or exclusion. And perhaps what made my heart ache most, was that the dream of unity was for many just that - a dream.
Once known by the nickname of “Community,” here I was suddenly feeling awakened to the this new reality that had somehow altered my expectation of friendship. Drama and hurt had become a part of the "normal" and I had allowed my own hurt, disappointment, fear and distraction to redefine what I now accepted as ”normal" interactions for the way we act towards each others.
And so to my knees I went- I prayed for forgiveness for contributing to it and for accepting it. I prayed for Him to give me insight into the root causes of it. I prayed for wisdom to war against it and I prayed for an awakening of women who were prepared to take the INITIATIVE to do something about it.
Because here is the black and white revelation I received on my knees-
I am convinced that now more than ever, this generation has a mandate to restore and rebuild the identity of women all over the world. And this will only happen as we sanction the way we build relationship and community with one another.
So, do you hear it?
Does the black and white truth call out to YOU?
Listen– As mothers, as sisters, as women and as the daughters of God we are being called to attention!
God is a generational God and He is drawing our attention to see that there is a legacy of community that is being subtly and silently eroded.
There are generations of women watching us and depending on us to confront this modern age of superficial on-line convenient “connectivity” as the norm. They are begging us to re-establish and protect a legacy of authentic, safe, committed relationships so that one day they will live by a different definition of "normal" girl world. They are listening, watching, waiting and learning from US!
They are needing us to BE real, TALK real, GET real, ACCEPT real, CREATE real and PROTECT real.
They are hungry for us to COMMUNE in UNITY.
He designed it, we need it and our daughters, our grand-daughters and the future generations deserve it!!!!
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. (Proverbs 31:10)
*ok, ok I know this says husband, but I think our friend Mrs Prov 31 can teach us a few things about doing life together across all our relationships, don't you?
SO.....
1. We need to become a generation of women who are safe.
So many times when talking to women of all ages I heard “I just don’t know if I can trust her." Sadly there are times when someone proves to be untrustworthy and yes we must use wisdom as to what we entrust to these people. We cannot make anyone else be a safe place but we can choose to be a safe place for everyone in our world. We need to become women who can be trusted without reserve.
This begins when we go beyond just ‘guarding’ what we say to and about each other, and reaches into what we genuinely ‘think’ about one another. The Father offers this transformation through a ‘renewal of our minds’ when we learn and choose to see one another through His lens of LOVE & GRACE.
Redefining what it means to be women who are "safe" will only happen when we sanction jealousy, opinion, judgement, comparison, manipulation, control, self righteousness, exclusion or simply being unkind to each other.
Our thoughts and words to and about one another need to be saturated with the Christ like nature of acceptance, value, love, worth and encouragement. (++ And can I be bold to say that I believe this includes friendly sarcasm which can dangerously perch on the line of negativity and criticism veiled in humour.)
We have to be warriors who create, fight for and fiercely protect each other through establishing a non-negotiable safe culture of acceptance, encouragement and love.
2. We must become a generation of women who commit to one another.
She treats him generously HER WHOLE LIFE LONG.
What would it look like to treat each other GENEROUSLY? Could we dare to let go of our own expectations, opinions, hurts, insecurities and even our "best intentions" and commit to build up one another in Christ like love?
I believe that through the act of making a long term commitment to stand by one other through each and every seasons with the ingredients of time, forgiveness support, faith and transparency, WE WILL take back ground!
For transformation will be tested. Changing the "norm" will come against opposition. It will stir up the enemy, who would have us give up and give in through targeting our relationships with the tests of busyness, distraction, tiredness, apathy, criticism, fear, insecurity, hurt, offence and comparison. Believe me the enemy wants nothing more than to continue to see women isolated, disappointed, hurt, silenced and divided.
Too often we have allowed hurt and offence to drive us away from one another and what could have been momentary differences in relationship, become permanent, irreconcilable division.
Can we dare to become women who commit to being brave enough to working it out and working it through? Despite the challenges and trials of life, are we able to treat one another generously our whole life long? Can we forgive, can we accept, can we choose to see the best, can we offer understanding to each other, can we stay when it gets hard, can we be life long friends?
It’s black and white!
Our generation is being awakened and He is setting a mandate before us. The status quo of how we do relationships must be challenged.
And so the.31.initiative is simply a response to this awakening. It is an initiative to inspire, challenge, awaken, encourage and create a safe place for women. It is a platform for us to raise our voice and no longer be silent. It is a declaration that we are now awake to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is a war cry to the enemy that we are no longer content to allow daughters, mothers, sisters our friendships to be targeted. It is a promise to our daughters who are listening and watching, that our generation will not sit idle but we will rise up, reclaim His design for us as women and as community.
So come.
This is a place where you and your story is safe.
This is a place where love and encouragement is a non-negotiable.
This is a place where we will learn to commune in unity.
Unveiled. Unashamed. Undivided.
QUESTIONS:
1. What has been your experience of relationships with other women?
2. What legacy of community would you like to create for the next generation?
3. What is the Holy Spirit challenging you to address in your own relationships in order to be an agent of change?